I’ve learned so much this past week after attending the Nazirite Training at Jesus’ Flock. I wasn’t really supposed to go, but Yash persuaded me to go with him. He attended the first night, which was an introduction to the training, and was really blessed, so I said yes. Part of me didn’t want to because we really didn’t have enough money to register for it. We’ve been lax with our money this month and we might have to cut corners when next payday comes so we can pay for rent, utilities, etc. But after the first night, I was convinced that we needed to be at the training. I’ve received so much ! So much from God in the 3 nights and 1 day we were there.
The Phase 1 of the training was all about humility. I learned that there are two kinds of pride: pride of the big wheel, which is thinking you are more than what you are, and pride of the big worm, which is thinking you are less than you are. Apparently, having a pity-party makes you a prideful person. It’s not easy realizing the kind of person that I was after hearing this. It’s funny that I was so convinced after the first night that I was guilty of the pride of the big wheel. But after listening to the lecture the next night, I was guilty actually of both. But regardless of what I was guilty of, I was convinced of one thing, I am nowhere near humble as I thought I was. Humility is all about yielding our personal rights to God, these are the rights that we all feel entitled to, they’re not the “bad” rights, but the ones that we’re so used to having that we feel like we deserve it. Much like vow of to not drink wine. Apparently wine to them was a staple, it’s like drinking water, so to give up their right to drink wine was giving up something that was so vital to them.
On the last day of the training, we listed down the rights that we were going to give God. I was really crying at this part. Mind you, even though I’m an emotional person and I cry easily, I wasn’t really crying much throughout the training, I didn’t have any emotional moments, which I really loved about the Nazirite training because I realized that you don’t really need a crying session to know that you’ve just had a breakthrough. We’re so used to altar calls and we feel that it’s only genuine when there are tears and lamentations involved. Now I know that God has been revealing things to me throughout the service nights but this time I didn’t need an altar call (there wasn’t really one, all we had were group discussions) I didn’t to cry my eyes out to know that God is changing something in me. Anyway back to the activity we did. Ptr. Jerome asked us to write down the rights that we were going to give up to God. I was really crying because I knew the first thing that I was going to write.
For years now, it has always been my desire to study abroad. Now we don’t have them money for this, so my only hope is to get a scholarship. For this past, let’s say 4 or 5 years, I have been researching about different scholarships and schools that I can join. Even after getting married, I tried to look for schools and scholarship grants that would allow me to bring my spouse to the country where I can study. Now, am I sure that this is God’s will? The truth is I’m not. I just know that I want to . I keep trying to justify that if it is so vital to me, that when I see pictures and testimonies of people studying abroad, there is just something that’s so moved in me that I cry, then it must be the will of God. But I never got a confirmation. So to give up that right, that desire, that dream for me, it’s so big for me. I was crying my eyes out. This was something I’ve wanted since college. To study abroad, to travel, to soak up a different culture. And to give it up, to give up the right , it’s like taking a small piece of me. Do I still want to go? Yes! I talked to my husband about it, and he understood. I know that it’s not the time yet. He also wants so study at an institution abroad, and we might be able to get in, because there’s a scholarship for couples. But he says it’s not time yet. He wants to finish his recital at UST so he can graduate. I understand, and I will support him on his decision. I’ll still pray for my dream, pray that if it is not His will, I’ll pray that He take away the desire, but if it His will, then I pray that during this time that we are waiting for that moment when he would grant it to us, that I would grow. I heard this from my dad’s preaching yesterday. That aside from God saying yes, no, or wait in our prayers, we as Christians , while we wait for the answer , should grow. Because maybe it hasn’t been granted to us because there are still things that we need to understand, things we need to learn.
This wasn’t the only right I gave up yesterday, there’s still more but I felt like this was the one that God wanted me to yield. It’s not easy, but knowing the kind of God I have, the God whose plans are not to harm me, but to give me a hope and a future, them I’m at peace
There’s so much more I learned during the Nazirite training! I might share some more of them over time, some others I’d like to keep to myself first. It’s so hard to explain though, you have to be there to experience it! Now Yash and I can’t wait to attend Phase 2 and 3 next April at Baguio. We’re already saving to make sure we can go!
P.S.
It was Grandparent’s Day yesterday! I’m thankful to all the grandparents in the world, especially to my Tatang, you”re such a good example to your children, I know that I have a wonderful father because you were an amazing father to him; to my Inang – I’ll always remember the stories you use to tell us when we were kids, I’d like to think I have all these stories in my head because you’re the original storyteller in the family; to my Mamang – I miss you! You’ve always been the core of the family. Even though you’re gone, you’ve left more than enough love and memories to keep us together; and finally to my parents – even though I have no children to call you Lolo and Mamu yet, I can’t wait for the day when I’ll have them and you can spoil them and raise them and love them like how you love us! Even though these are difficult times, I am at peace when I bring children into this world knowing that you will be one of the constants in their lives. I love you!
